Moments Like This
by SilverMuse
Summary: A thought one shot fic from the point of view of the main character. He's wondering about everything....


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Moments Like This

Tomorrow it'll have been a year. A year since Gorian's death and to this day I still blame myself. Jaheira says I shouldn't and I wish I could believe her. She's always so worried about me, about what I could become. 

It makes me think about the future that I'll have. Will my evil parentage take over my mind eventually? Will everything I've ever fought for be worth anything in the final outcome? 

I'd like to think so. 

I'm sitting under a great oak tree. I can look up now to see it's tall branches stretching towards the night's sky. The stars above look so distant, in turn it makes me feel isolated on the Earth.

Jaheria is setting up camp with Minsc, Imoen and Aerie. Viconia is off teasing some unsuspecting dinner somewhere. 

I'm just sitting under this tree watching my world, my life, pass me by willingly. 

She's looking at me now, Jaheira, and I can see the worry in her elven eyes. She fears it too, the final outcome. She's lost so much: Khalid, Gorian…I can't even begin to make excuses for their deaths. They were at my hands, at my expense if not literally. 

It's been a few hours since I thought about Khalid's death - I was thankful for the time. Khalid's death weighs heavily on my mind. 

But, in a way, I'd rather have lost Khalid than Jaheira. Selfish I know, and cruel. But that would be my choice. I know Jaheira would curse me for my confession. 

Maybe it was Khalid's time to go though. I'm a big believer in fate and destiny, I mean, how could I not be? My whole life is strung around my destiny to fulfil the 'prophecy' of Alaundo. Why couldn't Alaundo's prophecy be built upon some bugger else? Or even a prophecy concerning me leading a normal life? Why does it have to be bathed with blood that's not even my own?

I'm asking myself all these questions that I don't know the answer to. I don't think anybody does. What was that thing Volo said? 'Be mindful of the past, only it holds the key to the future'?

I could sit here contemplating my life all night long but I can see Jaheira walking up to me smiling. She's confused. I haven't smiled back yet. 

"Something troubling you, Aramis?" She asks, sitting down next to me. 

I breathe out a sigh and smile at her. "No, nothing. Just contemplating sod's law."

She chuckles. That's what I always found so intriguing about her. She can be carefree and yet so wise at the same time. But she just laughed at me, or was it with me?

"Not everything happens to you," she smiled again. She takes my hand in hers and gives it a gentle and reassuring squeeze. "Not everything bad anyway."

It's my turn to grin back. We sat for a while under the tree. We talked, we laughed and then we just sat in silence. It was those small moments, those rare moments when we could just sit together, where no words were necessary and everything else seemed to fade away. 

Minsc waved at us, a fire blazing beside his leg. He was waving us over for dinner, Boo on his shoulder. 

Jaheira turned to me. "Do you think we should eat something?"

"Why not?" I grinned, standing up and offering her my arm. She grasped it firmly and pulled herself to her feet.

She walked off towards the built up tents and the party sat around the fire. 

I stayed for a moment, pressing my hand against the bark of the tree, thanking it for its solace and warmth. The oak seemed to understand and pulsed beneath my fingertips. 

I walked back to the camp, remembering that everything in nature is alive, everything has a soul even the smallest of animals and the largest of trees. 

Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them. 

"Contemplating Alaundo's prophecy again?" Viconia asked taking a swig of ale from her pint mug. I swear that girl could pack them away. 

I simply smiled and sat down with Minsc. 

The party talked whilst I stayed silent. It wasn't usual, and my friends seemed to catch on quickly. 

I was silently wishing for someone, anyone, to take me away from it all. I could do with a Knight in shinning armour. 

And there she was, sitting next to me, reaching out to hold my hand. I gave it to her willingly and she shifted closer. Everything had seemed to try to tear us apart in the beginning. Her memories of Khalid and the task we had at hand. 

Never were we given a moment of piece until we were reaching the end. 

I didn't go after her straight after Khalid's death. The thought didn't even cross my mind. I was her friend, her closest friend at that time. She'd confided in me things she'd never tell anyone else. 

There are something's that happened in Irenicus' dungeon that I'd never tell Jaheira. Not for lack of wanting to, but a promise that I'd made. Khalid, I was with him during his final moments. His final words were whispered to me as Irenicus prepared to defile his body. 

"Take care of her and love her as I did. I'm entrusting you with her heart; I give you my blessings, son. Gorian would be proud of you."

Those words echoed through my mind. I was reminded of Khalid's voice, of those words, each time I looked at her. 

You'd think that if Khalid were a father figure, then his wife, Jaheira, would be a mother figure. She wasn't. Jaheria was my trusted friend and Khalid was someone I could be a son too. 

He knew though. He knew it was coming. Through the nights I'd lay awake in the dungeon, Khalid had been in the cell beside me. We'd talked for hours, telling each other secrets and life experiences. 

He'd dropped subtle hints of what he knew. In the end, he wanted us to be together. He wanted to see us both happy. 

Before I could really awake from my thought, I'm kissed on the cheek and reminded that we have to be up early in the morning. 

Jaheria leads me to our tent and we sleep curled around each other, holding on to one another, praying that we'll still be together in the morning. 

And we both know that hope is all we can do, for nothing is certain. Nothing will ever be certain. 


End file.
